Letters to God - Faith
LETTERS TO GOD – FAITH“FINISHING THE RACE”
In 1994, my son, Randall, fell in love with Debra and married her. I had been praying for his wife for years, and Debra matched my every hope. I, too, found my true love at this time. I married Bob two months before Randall and Debra’s wedding. I was so happy. I had a loving husband, an apartment with a view of the ocean, my son and his darling wife living nearby, and an active life between teaching a fifth grade gifted class, church activities such as leading a Stephen Ministry class, and daily walking, swimming or biking with Bob.
Six months later, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. After a mastectomy, breast reconstruction, and daily hormone medication to prevent a recurrence, I treated my cancer as just a bump in the road of life. However, when the breast cancer metastasized to my spine in 1997, I knew my days were numbered. Only God knew the number and His timing is perfect. So I put my trust in Him and He gave me these last years to see His wonderful plan being worked out in the lives of those I love. I have had eight different types of chemotherapy, four types of hormone treatments, and two rounds of radiation – and I have been absolutely blessed.
I have been blessed to see all three of my grand babies come into this world and to get to know each of them as unique individuals created by God. I wish I could be around as they grow to celebrate their successes and special occasions with them, but I am comforted and assured to know they are being raised in a Christian home.
The greatest blessing of all has been to witness Randall’s return to a believing faith in Jesus Christ after twenty years of questioning, agnosticism, and even atheism. As a believing mother, my fervent prayer over the years was that my son would become a “great man of God.” Who knows how God works, but His Holy Spirit is like a choreographer “working everything for good for those who love Him and have been called according to His purpose.”
Letter to God – Who Am I?
(September 1994)
I’m a Christian who has lost my savor.
I am task oriented, not people oriented.
I am self sufficient and independent.
I am a teacher.
I serve God and get weary.
I am a wife, mother, grandmother,
sister, daughter, niece and friend
to some very special people.
Lord, What do You See in Me?
My child, I see a precious person who tries so hard to keep everything under her control that she is missing much of the joy and freedom I have for her. Relax, let me do it, enjoy, learn new things – grow. I have a wonderful plan for your life and Bob’s.
Where Do I Need to Change?
I need to become more spicy! Lord, give me a tender heart. I need to let go and let God, and be open to experiencing His surprises and joy. Open me, Lord, to being a learner and to allowing the Holy Spirit to work through me. Help me to touch others with your love.
(Sometime in 1997)
Praise Me through trial.
See My bigger picture.
Find quiet times with Me.
Find peace by trusting Me.
Be open to My Holy Spirit to reach others for Me.
(Sometime in 1997)
You will triumph.
You give us what we have.
You are all-powerful.
Who can question You?
You are so much greater than us.
You work wonders.
You are the great Creator (everything of man is vanity).
You are glorious – You keep me from falling.
(January 1998)
Dear God,
It’s the beginning of a new year. What will 1998 hold for me?
- Pain and blessings, life and death, spiritual growth unbounded, love of others and for others, strength to endure, courage to face trials, enthusiasm about the future, and a renewed faith.
God, thank you for being with me through chemotherapy. Thank you for the blessings that are coming as a result.
- Anyone who seeks God with all his heart and all his soul will find Him.
The word of God is very near – in my mouth and in my heart when I study the Bible.
- If Christians humble themselves, pray, seek God’s face, and turn from their wicked ways, God will hear, forgive their sins, and heal their land. God listens!
- Blessed is the person God chooses to approach Him. If you believe in your heart and confess with your mouth, you will be saved.
We have bold access with confidence by faith in Jesus Christ. Jesus can feel our infirmities because He was man, so we can boldly come to the throne and find mercy and grace to help in times of need.
- Thou wilt keep her in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Thee, because she trusts in Thee. Trust in the Lord forever; for in God is everlasting strength.
What do You want me to do with the rest of my life?
- Wait on the Lord. Be of good courage, and I will strengthen your heart.
Mount up with wings like eagles, run and not be weary, walk and not faint.
Learn to number your days, that you may apply your heart unto wisdom.
God makes everything beautiful in its time.
Thank you for being there, for caring, and for Your mercy and grace,
Love, Nancy
(February 1998)
Dear God,
Give me the strength to face further cancer treatments. Help me see ways to use this painful time to pray with feeling for others.
Thank you for Randall. Through my love for him, I know how much You love me.
Nancy
(August 1998)
Dear God,
I’ve been busy in the process of retiring from 33 years of teaching and searching for alternative cures for my cancer. I know that my faith in Your healing power is my best alternative. I’m sorry my priorities have focused on other methods of healing. Please guide me, give me Your peace, and help me reach out to others with Your love and peace. I am thankful that You opened the doors to my retirement.
Forgive me, Lord, for leaving my first love -- You. I’ve been taking You for granted, knowing You are always there for me. I guess I’m confused and angry about my battle with cancer. Do not forsake me. I need You beside me to hold me up when I stumble.
I love You, Nancy
(February 1999)
I awoke early on the morning after my 58th birthday with a craving to write to you, God. But I couldn’t find my new journal and in the dark I grabbed this old one and found precious promises and guidance you’ve given me over the years.
A year ago, I feared I might not make it to this birthday and here I am – and feeling “good.” My oncologist even said I was “doing good” this month after over a year of chemotherapy and radiation. He credited chemo, prayer and our cruise to Hawaii. I also think love has a lot to do with my healing.
What a wonderful birthday weekend. I had wanted to get away, but everything I love most was right here. Bob and I had a romantic dinner on the water on the eve of my 58th. Then church with Bob in the choir singing, “One Faith, One Hope, One Love,” and so much to be thankful for, especially Randall attending church and talking to you. And finally, all the joys and hugs of a birthday dinner with the grandbabies. So many blessings…
Thank you for caring for my aunt Jo and bringing her to you in her end times – once I let go, and let you. Thank you for my sister’s love and that of her family. I don’t understand what you are doing in mom’s life, but I know you love her and that you have a plan. Please be very close to her. Thank you for my family’s love.
This quiet time with you is precious. It is a gift that is always available if I will seek it. Help me to open myself to you and your love – to do your will with the days you have ordained for me to live upon this earth until I go home to be with you.
(December 1999)
Dear God,
Thank you for my cancer – You are in control and you do love me. You know what is best for me and my loved ones. You have a plan. Help me to trust in you and be part of your plan.
Thank you, God, for loving us enough to send your precious son, Jesus Christ, to live, to teach us about you, and to die in order to give us forgiveness for our sins.
Thank you for the opportunity to be a mother (and the awesome responsibility that is). Thank you for being there in the midst of my many shortcomings. Use my cancer to help me teach Randall about you and to be a Godly influence in the lives of my stepchildren and grandkids and husband and aunt and mom and sister and her family and friends and everyone I meet.
Thank you for using cancer as a teacher for me – to slow me down and put me in touch with you. Help me see cancer as a teacher and an adventure to learn from and then go on. Bless Bob and Randall and my supportive family and friends as they go through this adventure with me. Make us strong through our weakness and our dependence on you.
Thank you for your many blessings. They are too numerous to count. Help me to bury the ghosts of sins past, which you have forgiven and forgotten. And help me to see and confess my daily sins, so I can better mirror Christ’s love and be used more mightily by you.
Love, Nancy
(March 2000)
Dear God,
I am writing this letter to tell you how much I love you.
I love you because you first loved me. You loved me so much that you sent your son to earth to light my way and to show me how to be your child through faith in Jesus Christ, your son. Thank you for choosing me – for your mercy and grace to adopt me as your daughter. Thank you for opening my eyes and softening my heart to accept your truth and your love.
I can never thank you enough for justifying me through the blood of your son, so that I may talk freely with you as my daddy and someday stand before you as perfectly forgiven and cleansed from my sinful nature and disobedience. You are so holy and righteous and awesome that there is no other way I could dare to come and kneel before your throne. There is nothing I could do to deserve this honor. It is only by your grace that I can come into the light of your presence.
I am what I am, and yet you love me. Thank you for creating me just as I am and for giving me Christian parents, who from age nine, taught me your ways. Thank you for your abounding grace, which is all-sufficient to help me know your plan for my life and to be obedient to do your will.
Lord, forgive me when I go my own way and do not seek your path. Forgive me when I am proud of my own works and do not give you the credit. Thank you for humbling me so I can see you working in my life. I am sorry for the times I seek the praise of others, rather than honoring you.
Thank you for giving me your wisdom when I ask. Help me not to be like a wave of the sea, driven with the wind and tossed by the problems of this world. Help me not to be double-minded, but to follow in your ways, rather than in the ways of the world.
Thank you for using me and my story to reach out to others with your love and your Gospel. Fill me with your Holy Spirit on Monday so I may speak your words, not my own. Bring that one person to my talk for Christian Outreach Week whose heart you want touched, and use me to touch her.
You are a loving, merciful and awesome God, and I love you.
In your grace, Nancy
(January 2001)
God,
Cancer has made me aware that my time on earth is temporary. I don’t want to waste my days with meaningless activities. I want to choose to spend my time doing things that will help me to grow more Christ-like. God, I give you my time.
Your child, Nancy
(February 2001)
Lord,
Today was my 60th birthday! I can’t believe I’m 60!! I don’t feel old. But I feel blessed by You to be alive. I know my days are numbered and that You are the only one who knows how many days I have left here on earth. I am so thankful that You have chosen to let me live this long so I can get to know my grandchildren, see my son and daughter-in-law grow in their love of You, finish my memoirs, and minister to others with cancer. I am also thankful that You have allowed me to be here for Bob, rather than adding another lost loved one to his tragedies.
Love, Nancy
(September 11, 2001)
I was awakened at 4:30 a.m. by a voice whispering my name, “Nancy.” The Lord was gently waking me from a deep sleep by speaking my name inside my head. Although God has awakened me in the middle of the night on several occasions and I have been led to pray for specific things that later proved to need prayer, I had not heard Him speak my name before. I fell to my knees beside my bed. I did not need to take off my shoes in this holy place, because my feet were already bare.
“Nancy, I am going to bless you. I am going to bless you out of your socks! Let Me speak through you and I will speak through you.” I felt honored and humbled that God would choose to speak through me. I pray that I will be open to His leading and His words through the Holy Spirit. I feel that I need to get on more intimate terms with Him.
Dear Lord, I feel confident that You will do what You have promised. I am on borrowed time and am thankful that You have allowed me to live with cancer and the treatments for seven years. I thank You for everything! How do You wish to use me? Perhaps You will speak through me to my new core group at Community Bible Study, or through the book, Prayers for a Prodigal, that my son and I are looking to write together, or when I tell my story to the choir in two weeks...
My mind is in high gear, but I am no longer listening to the Lord.
I should have stayed on my knees asking God who needed prayer instead of writing in my journal and retreating to my cozy bed and sleep. I missed a blessing God had for me. At 7:00 a.m., my son called to tell us to turn on CNN. He said, “We are at war! The World Trade Center and the Pentagon have been bombed!”
Bob and I sat in disbelief as we watched the horror repeated over and over on TV as hijacked United States airliners full of passengers crashed into the towers of the trade center and then the towers, full of people, fell one by one, and smoke billowed into the sky over Manhattan. A third plane crashed into the Pentagon causing a huge gash and again killing many Americans. While a fourth plane, with Camp David or the White House as its target, crashed outside Pittsburgh killing all aboard.
I was speechless. I dressed to go to my training meeting to be a leader at Community Bible Study. Bob held my hands and said a beautiful prayer for our country, our president, the injured and the families of all those who had died, as well as for the perpetrators of this horror. I could not pray. I went to the training meeting where we spent the first hour on our knees praying, but again I could not speak. I am in shock most of the day and find it hard to say or pray anything meaningful. I just listen as those around me weep and pray eloquently.
I pray that God will give me words tomorrow for the fifteen women He has chosen to be in my core group and that, together, we will heal from this tragedy. I pray that this tragic day will unite our country as never before and that we will return to the faith that has made our country strong.
My God is my rock in whom I find protection.
He is my shield, the strength of my salvation, and my stronghold.
(Psalm 18:2)
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